Mad Macedonian

Granma Got Run Over By TP Hoarders

 GRANMA GOT RUN OVER BY TP HOARDERS

By Kiril Kundurazieff, The Mad Houstonian

Grandma got run over by TP hoarders
While doing her Walmart shopping one recent eve.
You can say there's no hysteria, right now,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She just wanted to pick up soup, apples, Tide and eggnog,
And we'd asked her to not forget some Joe.
But she said she needed to also get her medication,
So she headed out the door , her steps sure, but slow.

When they found her near the Household Goods,
In front of the broom rack,
There were shoe prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' shopping cart tracks on her back.

 Grandma got run over by TP hoarders
While doing her Walmart shopping Friday Eve.
You can say there's no hysteria, right now,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
(Lord, we believe)

Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
He paid for Granma's groceries,
Bought his Joe and even paid for her Meds, what the Hell! 

It's not the same without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Walmart, Target, HEB, Kroger? Will it ever be safe to go back?

Grandma got run over by TP hoarders
While doing her Walmart shopping Friday Eve.
You can say there's no hysteria, right now,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
(Lord, we believe)

 Now buying TP and hand sanitizer we're not able
So alternatives we must find.
And while there being no bottled water we can handle
It is hard adjusting to what we have to use to clean our behind.

I've warned all my friends and neighbors.
"Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never let the panicked and hysterical,
Take more than what they need off the shelves."

Grandma got run over by TP hoarders
While doing her Walmart shopping Friday Eve.
You can say there's no hysteria, right now,
(People have got nuts!)
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
(Lord, we believe)

 

With humble apologies to Dr. Elmo Shropshire (Recording!), & Cledus T. Judd, not to mention poor Granma who got run over!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

SPRING IS: Covid-19 Edition

_____________________

UPDATE:  1245PM - 3/25/20

Journalist Joseph Curl is a writer whose work I always enjoy.

He recently wrote an essay that I particularly loved:

IS IT OK TO LAUGH? Americans Try To Keep Their Senses Of Humor In Face Of Pandemic

This morning I wrote him to say so and included a link to this post and it's poetry...

***Dear Mr. Curl

Yes, It is OK to laugh....as I recover from an injury, shut in due to the virus, in Houston, I use my poetic talent to make friends and family laugh...

Thank you for the great article!

https://www.madmacedonian.com/2020/03/granma-got-run-over-by-tp-hoarders.html

 

He responded with the following:

"Great stuff! Get better fast!"

 

To say these kind words made my day and lifted my spirits during these difficult days would be an understatement.

I am truly honored.

END UPDATE

 

 

     

 

SPRING IS: Covid-19 Edition

SPRING IS: Covid-19 Edition

By Kiril Kundurazieff, The Mad Houstonian

Spring is a time for panic and hysteria.
When the search for TP and hand sanitizer is eternal,
Because store shelves everywhere are empty.

Spring is the introduction of social distancing and self-quarantining into one's life,
And the start of being shut in with your school kids for who knows how long.

Spring is drive-thru dining, curbside pick-up, and home delivery, no dining out for you!
No crowds, no pro sports, no special events, forget big weddings...or even going to church.

Spring is the time for cleanliness...so don't forget to wash your hands!
A clean ass means new choices, different perspectives.
Corn Cobs? Leafy Veggies? Tortillas? Atlantic Magazine, Mother Jones, The Economist, or The Nation?

Spring is a bike ride on the beach, ogling the...Millennials partying like it's a normal Spring Break,
Or a walk along your favorite trail, alone with your thoughts...staying 6 ft. from the nearest fellow traveler,
Hoping to someday return to a life that is normal.

Spring is doing all you can to not catch the Wuhan Flu,
A new virus trying to infect your body, take your life, leaving you and yours feeling there is no hope.

Spring is here! Holy shit!

---------------------------------------------

The Mad Houstonian, here.

16 years ago I wrote a more optimistic, cheerful, version of "Spring Is", hee, hee!

SUNDAY MORNING POETIC FOLLOW UP:

Granma Got Run Over By TP Hoarders

Bell Ringing in Support of Children's Miracle Network Hospitals

Good afternoon, Houston!

Are we happy this fine June day?

In the mood to support a worthy cause?

No, I'm not talking about the Astros...they can take care of themselves.

I'm talking about the Children's Miracle Network Hospitals.

 

Texas Children's Hospital, specifically.

I'm writing, this afternoon, because I want to encourage you to help me play with....

My Ding a Ling by Kiril Kundurazieff  (Originally written in 2016...With humble apologies to the great Chuck Berry!) 

When I went to work at Wal-Mart one late Summer day
My CSM brought me something with which to play
Black, with a white handle, it was a cute little thing
I call it my ding a ling a ling

Parents came shopping for school
Buying supplies to help Junior learn and not grow into a fool
When they paid and donated a dollar, making my register ring,
I'd grab and wiggle my ding a ling

Then a love struck boy came looking for the perfect jewel
But he was undecided so bought a garden tool
When he paid and donated five dollars my register would ring
And I began swinging my ding a ling

Once things were slow as I waited for y'all
Climbing a ladder, stocking a shelf, I slipped and had a terrible fall
I fell against the counter and my head did ring
but at least I didn't damage my ding a ling

I remember a woman who came to my store
Bought lots of things to clean the kitchen floor
She donated ten dollars and I thought it was such a wonderful thing
That I happily wagged my ding a ling

A man came to get a license to fish in the Bayou
Catching his own dinner was what he wanted to do
Buying a rod & reel he donated fifty dollars when he paid for these things
So, with both hands, I enthusiastically waved my ding a ling

A young girl with long flowing hair
Strutting her stuff so big and bold
Wanted some beer, but I told her "you're not that old"
Such vile words you wouldn't believe can come from such a sweet young thing
Since she didn't donate I sadly couldn't shake my ding a ling

This here song I hope it makes you glad
Supporting a cause that I think is rad
Shopping at Wal-Mart please consider donating when you buy something
So you can tell your friends you saw me ringing my ding a ling

My ding a ling
My ding a ling
You saw me ringing my ding a ling
Oh my ding a ling!
My ding a ling!
I love ringing my ding a ling...!!!

Poetry A Day Challenge 30: A "Don't Stop" Poem

 

Welcome to the final entry of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Pick one prompt or use both…your choice!

Write a stop poem.
Write a don’t stop poem.

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

"The Mad Houstonian...

A mysterious man and his extraordinary cats, leaving their former lives behind to start fresh among people of a culture unfamiliar to them, in a state bigger than life, home to legends of American history, bound and determined to impart their wisdom to all they encounter, while discovering what their new surroundings could teach them as well.

He is here, among you...
Living with his companions in an abode, somewhere out there, in Houston....."

I first wrote those words in 2012, introducing myself to Houston on this blog.

In May 2014 I found inspiration to write a poem about my coming to Texas...

Looking back at the piece, now, I see it as a poem about stopping and not stopping, about endings and beginnings.

I left one life, hoping to build a new one.

A lot has happened, good and bad, as I approach my 7th anniversary in Houston, this Sept..

Houston still has, for the most part, no clue I am among them, but I am not giving up.

Let me share that poem as my final entry in the 2019 Poetry a Day Challenge...

Poetry A Day Challenge 29: One More Remix for the Road

 

 

Welcome to Day 29 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Take the phrase “(blank) Again,” replace the blank with a word or phrase, make the new phrase the title of your poem, and then write your poem.

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want.

 

I got to thinking about this and decided to do another remix...this time of a walking-themed poem I wrote last December.

Takin' a Walk Again...A Poem

 

Poetry A Day Challenge 28: Complete Poetry - Remix

 

Welcome to Day 28 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Write a remix poem. That is, remix one of your poems from earlier in the month.

There are many ways to do this.

Turn a free verse poem into a traditional form (using lines from the original poem). Or use erasure to cut down a long poem into a short one. Or expand a short poem into a longer version.

Get creative with it.

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

 

Poetry A Day Challenge 27: A Direction Poem

 

Welcome to Day 27 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Pick a direction, make that the title of your poem, and then, write your poem.

There are so many directions: north, south, up, down, left, right, over, under, etc.

But there are also more specific directions like “Across the Way,” “Through the Woods,” and “Beyond the Clearing.”

Or give directions like “Clean Your Room,” “Tie Your Shoes,” or “Get Over Here.”

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

I wrote this poem in 2007.

In 2008 I received one of the greatest honors of my writing life, causing me to re-share the poem...

The creator of the song that I parodied left a comment on the original post...and corresponded with me when I followed up with a thank you and questions...

Poetry A Day Challenge 26: An Evening Poem

 

Welcome to Day 26 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Write an evening poem.

A poem about or during the night. Or take evening a completely different direction and think of evening the score or making things more even (or fair or whatever).

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

A long time ago, in a decade far away, I had a job that I worked mostly evenings/nights, 3 to 11pm.

In 2008 I was inspired to write a song about it.

As I wrote at the time, to introduce the piece...

I envisioned a Union Meeting, or social gathering...

A makeshift stage with a handful of our cubicles, but only one positioned so the audience can see the Soloist at his computer, and wearing his earphones.

During the singing of each Chorus a dozen male, and female, operators pop up from behind their cubicles to warble their lines, and then disappear again.

I know, I know, I'm a Baaaad Boy. ;-D

Anyway...

Poetry A Day Challenge 25: An Exile Poem

 

Welcome to Day 25 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Write an exile poem.

Exile is a noun, a verb, and an American rock band from Richmond, Kentucky.

A person, animal, or object can be exiled. But people and animals also exile others–or even exile themselves.

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

 

In 2008 I wrote a series of blog posts about my Father.

As I wrote at the time...

My Father's Macedonian story is a fascinating one, and one I know very little about other than that he came to America for a life of freedom....

I began by writing poem...

It was in honor of a man who lost an eye fighting for the future of his homeland...and who exiled himself from that homeland, his parents and his sisters, when he realized the battle was lost.

The Immigrant by Kiril Kundurazieff

My Father fought Socialism and Communism,
And that's ok.
He sabotaged one of Tito's Railroads,
And lost an eye that day!
My Father wanted to be free,
So he could live his life his way.
He fibbed to Yugoslavia's backers,
And came to the USA!
My Father immediately got his Green Card,
So he could legally stay.
He believed in Democracy,
And earning an honest living all the live long day!

My complete, 4-part, series of posts begins here.

NEXT UP: Poetry A Day Challenge 26: An Evening Poem

 

Poetry A Day Challenge 24: Complete Poetry

 

Welcome to Day 24 of the Poetry A Day Challenge by Robert Lee Brewer, of the wonderful Poetic Asides Blog, at Writer's Digest.

As he explains in his post...

"Take the phrase “Complete (blank),” replace the blank with a word or phrase, make the new phrase the title of your poem, and then write your poem.

Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want."

Complete Love by Kiril Kundurazieff

Her human is the one thing she truly values.
That she treats with unreserved respect.
Because what he does for her matters.
He fills the food bowl.
He fills the water bowl.
He makes sure the litter box is clean,
So she can fill it
When he comes home
from work,
Thus showing her
Complete
Love

NEXT UP: Poetry A Day Challenge 25: An Exile Poem