I am half Macedonian, my father being born there, but when I found this list, on Facebook, I found much to laugh at, and comment on:
You know you are Macedonian when...
Your granfather always has a shot of Rakija for breakfast. (I have no clue!)
The minute church services are over you go straight for the bar and get smashed. (I'm no church goer, but Dad used to drink beer, from time to time, in the 50's, and in my early childhood in the 60's.)
You only go out of town for Macedonian Tournaments and Dances. (If I could find anything Macedonian, culturally, or business-wise, in Southern California, I could definitely be persuaded!)
You are hopelessly trying to bring the Macedonian community in Australia together. (Not me! Too far away! Besides I'm still trying to find a "Macedonian Community" in Southern California!)
Your uncle makes his own wine that's stronger than 'rakija'. (I have no clue!)
Your mother insists that 'promaja' will kill you. (What's That? My Sainted American Ma, Rest her soul, never mentioned it!)
Your mother insists you must eat something with 'Sirenje' at least three times a week. (See last Answer!)
You use 'Rakija' to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as a massage lotion. (What's that?)
Your baba will not accept the fact that you're just not hungry. (Who's that?)
Your Baba is constantly asking you when you're getting married. (My Mom used to, and my sisters quit a decade ago, I think.)
You go to your baba's house, she offers you supa, sarma, piperki or Kolbasi and gets upset if you don't eat EVERYTHING. (OK, I'm pretty sure I don't have a Baba, and I definitely don't know what those other things are!)
You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup. (I quit drinking coffee 20 years ago!)
You celebrate Christmas, Easter and New Years two weeks after everyone else. (Nope! I'm only half Macedonian! As a Child, in the 60's I vaguely remember attending Orthodox Church Services, though.)
Your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from a University. (They both wanted me to go to College & were proud I graduated.)
You go to a restaurant and bring your own drinks. (Does buying a Coke at 1 Fast Food joint, and going next door to eat at a place that only sells Pepsi, count?)
You are at a party and the guys try picking you up by asking, 'Hey baby, what's your slava?'. (I don't do parties, I'm straight, and don't have a clue waht a "Slava" is? Is it something Kinky?)
When you have four pairs of 'Vlecki' in your wardrobe. (What's that? Should be worried they might reproduce?)
All other action stops when you hear the music of 'Ogan da go gori' or 'Biser Balkanski'. (No but, since I've never heard either, I'd be willing to listen at least once.)
You are a fan of whatever soccer team Darko Pancev plays for. (Who's he? Besides, Soccer's boring! I prefer Golf!)
When your mom calls you 'stoka'. (My Mom never did. Is that a cuss word, used when the kids misbehave?)
You can always smell garlic on your parents' breath and they insist it kills all bacteria. (My parents were never into garlic.)
Your walls are crowded with icons of saints. (The only pictures of a saint adorning my wall are my favorite picture of my Mother, and one of 1yr. old me with my parents.)
You have a Goce Delcev picture on the wall. (Nope! What's that?)
There's a slab of fat in your fridge called 'SLANINA'. (Nope! Why would you want to name a slab of fat, anyway. My Bike is named Cleopatra, though!)
Your parents still prefer to buy tapes rather than CDs. (My parents prefered Records, and were dead by 1990, anyway.)
Your mom has a whole pharmacy in her medicine cabinet. (Nope, not that I remember!)
Your parents think everything is a conspiracy. (My Dad was a Macedonian Nationalist, a former member of the underground fighting Tito, at the end of WW2, so said my Mom, and he lost an Eye sabotaging a railroad!)
You get offended if someone asks you if you are Greek. (As far as I know my Dad never took it personally, his favorite restaurant was a Greek place, and he once had a Greek friend who let him listen to his Greek Recordings...until he learned Dad considered himself Macedonina, not Greek.)
You have gone to at least 3 Macedonian protests in the city. (Nope! The only protests we got going around here, these days, are on behalf of, or against, Gay Marriage, in support of, or against, the rights of illegal Mexican Immigrants, and for, or against, the policies of President Obama, and the Democrats in Congress!)
Your old man hits you more because you are still crying. (He never did. I do remember once that he went looking for me when i was late getting home from school, belt in hand, but when he was that a bully was why I was late, he turned his attention on the bully, and chasedd him down the street for 3 blocks, without catching him.)
Your parents tell you that Virginity (for girls only) is more important than your life. (If Mom told this to my sisters, it didn't take! Me? I'm still a bachelor.)
Your mom or Dad screams at you infront of the whole school on report card day. (Nope, they never did. I still have all my report cards from Elementary, and Middle School because Mom saved them, and this led me to save my High School & College ones, too!)
You deinitely know you are a Maco when the 'Kisela Voda' from the village of Dolno Dupeni is supposed to taste better than Evian mineral water. (Never tasted either)
You have at least a whole 'tengere' left over with food after the whole family has eaten. (What's that?)
If something goes wrong in the family, it definitely has something to do with 'Magia'. (What's that?)
Everyone asks you how much money you made on your wedding night. (When I get married, I'll be sure to let you know!)
You constantly get asked how much money you make at work and how big your home loan is. (Nope!)
You have at least 20 grand cash in the roof or under the pillow. (I wish!)
Your parents can eat 'luti piperki' like chocolate and not break out in a sweat. (I have no clue what that is, or if Dad ever ate it.)
The house has to be vacummed at least 10 times a week. (Twice a week.)
Your fridge always has more beer than food, just in case 'gosti' come over. (Don't know what that is, and only have beer around occasionally. (There are 5 bottles in the fridge right now and, until Friday, that means there is more beer than food.)
You always bargain at the market and try to get discounts. (I always look for discounts, but bargaining something lower is not an option unless at Yard Sales, Flea Markets, and Farmer's Markets.)
You have an uncle that sticks his thumb up at someone instead of his middle finger and calls him a 'peder eden' (I don't know. What's "Peder Eden"? is it something kinky?)
Half of your backyard is a bafcha. (I lived in a house with a yard most of my life, but have no clue what "Bafcha" is)
Your guests insist on seeing your parents bafcha. (Ok, now this sounds kinky! What's a Bafcha"?)
You know your Macedonian when your mother says shes eating "makedonija nuts" not macadamia nuts. (Being American, Mom, rest her soul, ate Macadamia nuts)
You can smell the food before you even enter the front gate. (Damn straight!!!! From even further! I'm my Fathers son, you can bet yer sweet bippy!)
You eat "graf" at least three times a week. (What's that? Where can I get it? if it's healthy, I'm game!)
Your "Kumovi" (godparents) choose your child's name. (Nope! My name was based on tradition. 1st son is named after the Father of his Father.)
Your parents insist that when shaking hands with somebody you have to look at them directly in the eye because it shows respect. (Nope!)
Your Moms coffee cups are as small as Barbie toys. (Nope! Those suckers were HUGE!)
Your mother gets paranoid about cleaning the house before she has guests over. (She was never paranoid about it, but always felt it was important to have a clean house.)
Your parents make enough jars of "Ajvar" in November to last for 3 months. (What's that? My Mom was an expert Home Canner, and our garage was always stocked with canned fruits, and veggies of all sorts.)
All of your relatives in Macedonia think that you are rich. (Yup! or they used to back in the 60's. I remember my Mom mentioning questions, and confusions, on the part of the relatives of my Father, who thought he made more money than he did, and never understood why the family never could come to Macedonia to visit. Mom always said that he was afraid his past might cause him problems if he did, though his friends never had problems going back, and besides he didn't like Tito, and Communism.)
Your parents have their friends come over at midnight on a school night, and talk so loud that you can't fall asleep till they leave. (No worries on that account.)
Your family celebrates a "Slava" at least once a year. (What's that?)
Your father drives to stores an hour away so he can buy Macedonian food. (Dad never drove, and as far as I know the closest he ever came to buying "Macedonian" food, was at a greek Restaurant, or Deli.)
Your mother can cook anything you want her to. (That she could, God bless her soul!)
Your dad bought and set up an illegal satellite dish so that you can watch Macedonian TV in your house. (Nope! He DID have Macedonian records, and listened to a Macedonian radio station on shortwave, and read a Macedonian-American Newspaper.)
You eat "Sirenje" with everything. (What's that? I'm willing to try it... if it won't kill me!)
Your Dad insists that he is not drunk no matter how much he has had to drink. (I never saw my Dad drunk.)
You know how to drive a stick-shift. (Nope! I'm a lifelong bicyclist, walker, and bus rider!)
Your parents say your 2 hour of homework is nothing compared to their 5 hours of homework when they used to go to school in Macedonia. (Dad never talked about school in the 20's & 30's, but Mom always talked about her schooling when I bitched about homework.)
When you go over to someones house, you take of your shoes otherwise its rude to walk into their house with shoes on. (In America, you try that, especially with smelly socks, and atheletes foot....)
You get straight A's at school without even trying and all of your friends think that you are a genius. ( I was B Student, and they still thought I was a genius!)
You get hurt and your parents say "Nisto nema, ke pomini". (What's that mean? Stop crying, you God damn Sissy!!)
Your Dad insists that his homemade hamburgers are better than the ones at MacDonalds or Burger King. ( My Mom made them, and they were. I miss her cooking!!!)
You are naturally good at soccer. (Nope!)
You can understand Serbian, Bulgarian, and Croatian and a little bit of Russian. (Nope! My Dad read, and spoke, Macedonian, and understood Serbian, Bulgarian, Croatian, Greek, Italian, German, all before he came to America. his 1st language, here, was Spanish, which he read, and spoke fluently. English became a neccesity, a few years later, the very 1st moment he set eyes on his future wife, my Mom! He never taught his children any of his languages, feeling it was more important that we know English.)
People can't pronounce your last name. (My God, YES! You have no idea!)
People give you nicknames because they can't remember how to say your name. (Professor K in school, later Mr. K)
You have a Macedonian flag somewhere in your house or car. (Nope! An American Flag.)
You don't get grounded but get smacked instead. (My paents were expert spankers!)
You move into a new house and the first guests to arrive at your door are your Baba and Dedo...plus the local Macedonian priest they brought over to bless the house. (My 1st guests have always been my sisters, especially since they and their husbands helped me move in.)
You can relate to something above and are cracking up right now!!!!
(Damn Straight!! Hee, hee! )
***UPDATE: 7AM - 8/19/09***
You know you are a Macedonian when...you kindly take the time to edumicate the ignorant among your fellows with the same ethnic backround!
Ok, from a Macedonian in Toronto to a Mad Macedonian in California, let me try and shed some light on a few of the terms and phrases from above:
Rakija = Like ouzo or grappa, but better!
Sirenje = A mix of goat and feta cheese
Baba = Grandmother, Dedo = Grandfather
Supa = Soup
Piperki = Pickled peppers
Kolbasi = Sausage
Vlecki = Warm woolen underwear
Goce Delcev = Macedonian hero of the failed Illinden Uprising in 1903
Tengere = Container or tub, usually for food, usually an old yogurt container cleaned out, sometimes called "Polish tuperware"
'Luti piperki' = Hot peppers
Gosti = Guests, as in company coming over to your house
Bafcha = Garden, usually used to grow your piperki
Graf = Boiled, then spiced and baked beans, mmmmmm good
Nisto nema, ke pomini = Nothing there, it will pass
Hope this helps.
Spiro
Thank you, Thank You, Thank You!!! ;-D
***END UPDATE***
***UPDATE 2 - 9/25/09***
This post has been read by many, many people since it was written, but it took a month for reaction to manifest itself (The help of Spiro, and also a Facebook Friend, on the 19th, don't count!) in the comments.
Considering how passionate Macedonians are, about all things Macedonian, what took people so long?
Hee, hee!
I posted a response, in the comments, this morning. ;-D
***END UPDATE***