Apologies, Anyone? or Dear Kim: Ignore them, Learn from this, and Move On

On Christmas Day Column One, in The Los Angeles Times, had a very moving story that touched me deeply and, I believed, would touch any Cat Lover who read it in the same way.

One night, Bess disappeared and didn't come back. There are coyotes out there. You search, you hope, eventually you give up. Almost.

When a feline goes missing, the explanations of where she could be are as long as the darkest corridor of the owner's imagination.

High up in a Douglas fir. In the bellies of the coyotes slinking out in the woods. In a ditch, bleeding, after being smacked by a car. Snatched by a bald eagle. (On the island in Puget Sound where I live, wildlife biologists report, a number of cat collars have turned up in eagles' nests.)

Kim Murphy is a respected, award winning Journalist (2005 Pulitzer for Journalism, among many other awards, look it up!) , of 30 years experience, with a passion for Kitties, and she has had them with her on her assignments for years.

She had a heart warming story to share that she thought would touch readers deeply.

She was right...but not in the way she thought...and there-in lies the real tradgedy of this tale.

Good morning, the Mad Macedonian here.

If you are late to the saga then start here, and read the 3 previous entries in their entirety: Think Good Thoughts for Brave Bess.

So, um, where was I?

Oh, yeah! I'M PISSED OFF!

If my last post didn't make that abundantly clear then this one surely will.

Before you even go there, let me make something abundantly clear: While I've been a Blogger for almost 7 years I don't delude myself...I'm no-one of consequence in the Blogosphere. My traffic is miniscule, always has been, and probably won't change anytime soon.

Hell, I'm far better known for my BikeBlog, and that one has averaged only 150-250 visits a day in its 6 years of life.

There are no doubt many writing about Cats, and just about any other subject I cover on this blog, or my BikeBlog,  with far larger an audience than I will ever have.

If I was doing this for fame, and fortune, I would have quit Blogging 5 years ago. ;-D

But enough about me... As I was saying...I'M PISSED!

I want to begin by sharing a correspondence I've been having since Saturday.

It began with a letter sent by my Co-Blogger, and best bud, Nikita:

Dear Bess, my name is Nikita, and I am a CatBlogger.

 

I am a 10 year old indoor Cat, and when I read your story, as told by your human, this morning, it touched me very much.

 

I shared it on my blog, this morning.

 

I hope your human reads this to you, and tells you that I, and any Cat that learns of your tale, are pulling very hard for you in your recovery.

 

You showed such courage, and determination in surviving your difficulty, and we know that you have a reservoir of strength within you, and the love of your human, and her family, to enable you to recover.

 

My thoughts, and the thoughts of my Human, are with you.

 

If you read the 1st post in this series you read the reply from Bess.

 

Nikita responded in this way:

 

Dear Bess,

 

I'm usually of a sweet disposition, but after discovering that I've come late to the Cat Community debate over your story, and reading some of the Hairballs being coughed up, and tossed at your human...well, when Daddy comes home from work tonight, and reads them for himself, I expect we are going to have a discussion about the ruckus, and what we might have to say further.

 

 I've read what your human sent to others in her defense, and I admire her for it.

 

I hope that she has gotten far more responses like mine, than not.

 

It is so easy to express outrage over the situation of others, but we forget that we are not completely without sin ourselves, both cat, and human.

 

I've shared stories about the horror of cultures that dine on our species, and heard nary a peep in shock, or protest, but let a story such as yours, involving a simple domestic situation, become known, and claws are unsheathed in short order.

 

Daddy once had a hard choice to make regarding another Cat in our family.

 

We've told the story twice...to little reaction.

 

I guess our situation was too complex to sort out reactions for some.;-D

 

I think if we told it again we might finally get folks attention. ;-D

 

Hugs to both of U!

 

The next day I wrote Kim under my own name for the 1st time, telling her about my 2nd blog post, and ended this way:

 

I do not know if there is a debate in Times forums on your story, or if you have engaged people there.

 

If there is, and you have, or if a follow-up column ever is planned, feel free to quote my post, and point people to it, as I welcome comments.

 

Don't let all your critics out there get to you.

 

You can't win no matter the explanation, or number of times, and ways, you apologize for your past "mistakes".

 

The important thing is to move on, and learn from this experience.

 

Bess is alive, and on the way to recovery, and you can do your best to make her life a happy, and safe, one.

 

On Monday Kim wrote back:

 

Once again, I very much appreciate your compassion.

 

Though I started this myself by writing about Bess (I have been a writer for 30 years, and writing about something so astounding as her survival seemed natural to me)...

 

I no longer have the heart to participate in the public dissection of my family's personal pain--my children, who are both active users of the Internet, certainly don't need to see any more of this--and so I'm going to try to back out of the ongoing discussions, if I can.

You are so right that we have learned a lot of lessons, not only over the years, but in the past few weeks.

Thanks again for the big dose of humanity in your blog.

 

I wrote back, angry, and very troubled:

 

Dear Kim,

 

I'm writing from work, and have not been around to other blogs since this morning.

 

I'm embarrassed for those few in the CatBlogosphere, and among Cat Lovers in general, who have spent the weekend giving us all a bad name by their behavior.

 

You have seen the comments I've gotten today, and the ones others have made elsewhere.

 

Please don't tell me that you have been getting even more hateful responses in e-mail, or in forums, than these?

 

That would be shameful.

 

When I got home, at Midnight, I spend some 3 hours doing research, and thinking, long and hard about what I wanted to do next, then I wrote Kim before finally going to bed:

 

Dear Kim,

 

I got home from work at midnight, and have been a busy little Bee every since, and not once have I bothered to go see what the CatBlogoshere did to you yesterday.

 

That can wait.

 

What I've been doing is more important at the moment, and when you see it on my blog I hope it will cheer you up.

 

You listen up, my friend.

 

When you said you had 30 years experience as a journalist, I had no idea!

 

"As for my beloved dinosaur, if we cavewomen weren't out there gathering the news-such as it is-in Iran, what would you bedroom-slippered bloggers have to chew the fat about?"

 

For that alone I wanna hug ya...even if you may be a Liberal! ;-D

 

The fact that you have reported from places in the world that few ordinary people would dare to go, says a lot about you.

 

At the Times since '83?

 

( NOTE: I then listed a whole amazing laundry list of awards she has worked hard to earn, and the following praise tossed her way from one -"She tells stories that help her readers care about, and understand, the news." - If you want to know more then YOU do the Googling! )

 

{{{Woman}}} hold your head up high, damn it!

 

You tried to help them understand how a mistake was turned into a blessing, and they don't believe a word you wrote, then or since?

 

Your detractors of the last week, in the CatBlogosphere, and elsewhere, are not fit to worship the ground you walk on.

 

Forget them.

 

As I said the more you try to explain, and apologize, the more they will mistrust, and denounce.

 

I've been a member of the unpaid "New Media", um,  "Journalism", hee, hee, since 2002 (I should have went into Journalism in High School in the 70's but didn't!), and have never had daily traffic of more than 100 to 300 a day for most of that time, but I feel blessed by the writing I've had a chance to do, the people I've met, and corresponded with, including you, and the occasional recognition I've gotten.

 

Don't let the ignorant get you down.

 

Her response, yesterday afternoon, made me smile, and confirmed my belief that she can move on from this:

 

 

Good grief, you are good at resurrecting old, long-forgotten stuff!

 

Hope you have a wonderful new year!

 

Hug Nikita for me.

Kim

 

I take pride in my writing, and pleasure in the unexpected places it continues to take me every day.

 

I take pride in caring enough about a subject that I often take the time to do some research for a post.

 

This was one such time.

 

From the start it was obvious to me that no-one else was going to, or even cared to.

 

That is where I wish to take you, dear reader, next, and the results of that research are why I ask the question in the title of this post.

Results of Google Search for "Cats going days with no food or water" 115 to am 4AM - 12/30/2008

This one's for Kim and Bess... the other 7 are just gravy. ;-D

FROM: Dr. Pitcairn's Complete Guide to Natural Health for Dogs and Cats, Page 82.

"In fact, healthy Cats trapped in moving vans and such have been known to survive without any food or water for periods of up to 6 weeks."

1.  35 days! It's the Kidneys, Stupid! (The following was originally an AP story from 2007)

The Chinese cat had chewed through one of the cargo boxes before it left Shanghai on April 3 and spent at least 35 days on a ship inside the container filled with motorcycle gear, with no water, no food. An old saying in Chinese culture goes that a cat has nine lives, but how could the cat of China survive for so long on no food and water?

"Usually, we say that animals can only survive a few weeks without food and only a few days without water," said a veterinarian in North Carolina. "The theory is that cats have such good kidneys, their bodies adjust to the lack of water, and somehow they received small amounts of moisture from condensation."

Chatter Blog and Yahoo! Canada.

2. A cat in Germany survived for 26 days trapped between two walls without food or water.  Anthony lost five and a half pounds but apart from the weight loss is only suffering from dehydration.  How he was trapped, and why it took so long for him to be rescued is unknown.

Those Amazing Cats = 26 Days!

3. PetWalk.com 2007 = 3 weeks!

4. I'll see your 3 weeks, and raise you 5 days! - Wiki-Answers

5. Memphis veterinarian Gerald Blackburn said he's heard similar stories of pets getting trapped for days or even weeks at a time and surviving. Blackburn said the cat may have lived off of its excess fat.

Cosmo Central  = 19 days!

6. Lancashire England 2006 = 17 Days!

7. Thaindian News 12/25/08 = 14 days!

The Line for expressing your Apologies for not believing such a thing to be even remotely possible, and for doubting the veracity of someone with no reason to make her story up...starts in my comments, on your blog, or in an e-mail to Kim and Bess, here =  kim.murphy at latimes.com.

Yes, it is remarkable that Bess didn't meow or call out and the story is distressing to pet lovers.

However,  Kim spent a huge sum of money on Bess's medical care when her condition was so grave and chances of recovery so slim.

I think that we can all agree that the humane thing to do at that point may have been to let her go peacefully.

Does anyone reading this honestly know what they would have done?

The negative response to Kim has been totally uncalled for IMHO.

The guilt felt, and money spent, was not enough for many.

Blogging, and Blog Commenting, Facebooking, Stumbling, and Twittering all give folks license to behave thoughtlessly and/or badly and they do; Often

The same with Letters, and e-mails to Editors, or writers of articles.

People thought Kim was lying, and some no doubt think I'm naive, and her enabler, by showing sympathy.
 
NOBODY did the research I did.

I'll end with this message for Kim:

Kim, my friend, DO NOT let this experience get you down!

YOU didn't put Bess in the seat, so why should YOU feel guilty?

Unfortunately you are getting a taste of how vicious the web can be.

Remember this, however...it's not REAL! 

IGNORE your detractors.

STOP reading the e-mail, and Letters to the Editor, and letting them get to you!

ALL THAT MATTERS is what YOU and YOUR FAMILY think, and feel, about the incident.

You should enjoy the time you will have with Bess and not let this make you unhappy.
 
Life is too short to worry about what total strangers think, especially OVERLY-JUDGEMENTAL, and CRUEL strangers.

Okay, that's all I have in me to say on this whole sordid episode.

You are all damn lucky it's ME writing the last 2 posts, and not Nikita, trust me.

His Motto isn't "You giva me no Problem, I giva you no SMACK!" for nothing. ;-D

Now, if you will excuse me...I'm gonna set out my flame-proof undies, for when I wake up later this morning, then I'm going to get ready for bed.

Comments

[The Cat Realm]

Oh my - now poor Kim is the victim.

Who somehow has bad stuff happen to ALL the cats she ever had.

What a turn of the story....

BTW - all your research about surviving cats still does not even come close to nine weeks..... just poking the paw in the wound, hahahahahaha.

This whole thing is entering the absurd.....

BTW2 - some of the emails you quote from us where PERSONAL emails that you published without our permission.

Just saying - that is not good etiquette either!

And we never published any of yours, or Kim's because that is something you just don't do.

[Kiril The Mad Macedonian]

You didn't read the notice to readers in the sidebar of this blog, did you?

Don't be embarrassed...most folks do not. ;-D

It is common etiquette, and practice, in the Blogosphere to give fair warning in a prominent place on the blog, to readers, and correspondents, that any correspondence is subject to possible use by the blogger.

If someone specifically requests that I not use anything...then I will not.

Most people who come to my blogs do not explore their sidebars, and that's their loss as much as mine.

As much as I would love visitors to explore the sidebars IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THRU THE PROCESS.

You have to be sufficiently curious to do so on your own.

Most of my visitors come via Google Searches, and are gone once they have found, or not found, what they were looking for.

Usually in seconds.

Most of the folks who have come to this series, via links, on other blogs, have, if my stats are any judge, not spent the time to explore each entry.

Only one commentor I know of was moved to do further research, and change her view in a follow-up comment.

Only one correspondent has specifically asked me to keep our correspondence private so we can have a serious dialogue.