I have been a Directory Assistance Operator for almost 4 years and that experience caused my creative juices to begin percolatin' one day in early 2006. ;-D
One of my all-time favorite Monty Python Skits is The Lumberjack Song.
A few lines popped into my head one day:
I'm a ************ I hear you say,But I make good money answering your calls all the live long day! ;-D
HOWEVER, I thought, it must be the right word, a word that is INCLUSIVE.
A word that my Co-workers, of all genders, and sexual orientations, can feel free to sing with Gusto!
A Word we ALL get called sometimes a dozen times a day! ;-D
The MF-Word is gender specific, more often than not, as is one of the B-Words.
The Distaff side of our Community gets called the C-Word, and the other B-Word, among others.
I mean no offense to those of my comrades who are Transgender, but if, over the phone, to the caller, you sound male, or female, then they believe you are, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.
The F-Word IS inclusive, but, like those above, totally inappropriate for a Sing-A-Long. ;-D
So.... What is that word?
Asshole!
It's a physical attribute we ALL share in common. ;-D
I copied, and saved, the original Lumberjack Song, and started considering my "Directory Assistance Operator Song". ;-D
I envisioned a Union Meeting, or social gathering...
A makeshift stage with a handfull of our cubicles, but only one positioned so the audience can see the Soloist at his computer, and wearing his earphones.
During the singing of each Chorus a dozen male, and female, operators pop up from behind their cubicles to warble their lines, and then disappear again.
I know, I know, I'm a Baaaad Boy. ;-D
Anyway...
A year later the song was finally born.
THE DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE OPERATOR SONG
You know.... I never wanted to be a Bookstore Clerk, and Manager, for 17 years in the first place!
I... I wanted to be...
A DIRECTORY ASSISTANCE OPERATOR!
( Cradling a cell phone lovingly in his arms, like a baby... )
Handling call after call! As they come down the mighty phone, and cable, wires of the world! With my fellow Operators by my side!
The Residential Listing!
The Business Number!
The Movie Times and Reviews!
The Weather!
The Horoscope!
The Restuarant Reviews!
The Little 2 year olds making their 1st phone calls!
We Talk! Talk! Talk!
Ohhh, I'm a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm okay.
I dream all night of taking your calls all day.
Phalanx of 6 Operators at their cubicles:
He's a Directory Assistance Operator, and he's okay.
He dreams all night of taking your calls all day.
I ask you for your listing please. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lava-try.
On my off day I go shoppin'
And come home to watch TV.
Operators: He asks you for your listing please. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lava-try.
On his off day he goes shopping
And comes home to watch TV.
Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) dream(s) all night of taking your calls all day.
I ask you for your listing please.
I help plan trips and find Docs to fix that lump.
I press computer keys for hours.
I put up with the occasional loathing
Your curses are like a bouquet of flowers.
Operators: He asks you for your listing please.
He helps plan trips and finds Docs to fix your lumps.
He presses computer keys for hours.
He puts up with your loathing
Your curses are like a... bouquet of flowers?!
Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) dream(s) all night of taking your calls all day.
I ask you for your listing please.
Your ignorance makes my head reel,
As I try not to laugh, ha, ha!
It almost drives me nuts,
Just like my dear Papa! ( Throws Cell Phone to the floor, and stomps on it. )
Operators: He asks for your listing please.
Your ignorance makes his head reel,
It almost drives him... nuts?!
( spoken, raggedly) What's this? Is he nuts?? Oh, My!
Chorus: I'm (He's) a Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) dreams(s) all night of taking your calls all day.
Yes, I'm (He's) Directory Assistance Operator, and I'm (he's) ok-a-y.
I (He) dreams(s) all night of taking your calls all daaaayyyy!!!
***NOTE***
With humble apologies to the masters of the Monty Python Troop, and the performers of The Lumberjack Song! ;-D
At just over 7 minutes you get the Barber Shop set up, the song, and the afterwards.
Michael Palin was brilliant!
What more could you ask for? Life is good! ;-D
I love The Lumberjack Song, and that's ok,
It makes me smile, and laugh, all the live long daaaayyyy!!!! ;-D
Lyrics, so you can sing it yerself! ;-D
***END NOTE***
Copyright 3/2007
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