Mad Macedonian

From the Desk of

I've always found that line amusing for some reason.

It's not the DESK that wrote the Press Release, Article, Column, Letter, E-mail, or whatever, afterall. ;-D

Although, to give some very famous desks their due....

IF they could....

Can you imagine some of the stories they would have to tell?

Here, at The Maceyugoserbulgarigreekadonian Compound, Ground Zero is a simple affair that still needs a drawer added to make it whole, but it is sufficient until I decide to get a better one.

But back to my question.

Imagine what stories the desks in the White House, and Congress, and leaders around the world, would have to tell!

Imagine if they each had their own Blog! ;-D

Think of any famous person throughout history, especially writers, journalists, politicians, and royalty.

The tabloids would be all over them looking for dirt.

The weekend TV talk fests, and all of talk radio, would be so serious in their interviews, and discussions.

Book Publishers, and Movie Studios, would be fighting for the rights.

Life for these folks would be glorious!

Until the next Big Story came along, or they got bored with the subject.... ;-D

National Poetry Month 5: Poetic Forms up the Yin-Yang

It's National Poetry Month and you want to try your hand at Poetry?

There are many Poetic Forms.

1. Here are descriptions, and examples, of 54 of them. ;-D

2. Poetry Patterns, including many not found at the above site.

3. 30 days of Poetry includes some forms not found at the above sites.

4. Glossary of Poetic Terms includes many Forms not found in the above 3 sites.

5. The monotetra has a single rhyme per verse. Each line has 8 syllables, with the fourth line being a set of 4 syllables repeated.

It can have as few as one or two stanzas, or as many as desired.

6. Riddle poems, and how to make them.

7. 7 types of Concrete Poems.

8. Poem of Address: The poet writes as though speaking to a person, place, or object.

National Poetry Month 4: In the Eye of the Beholder

Amazing, isn't it, how 2 people reading the same poem, or book, or viewing the same film can have such different reactions?

Poetry, especially, can do that.

In honor of National Poetry Month here is a case in point:

I once wrote a poem called The Dandyfosilthiselwig.

I posted it in my file on the writing website mentioned in the last post, introducing it by saying "Written on a 90 min. bus ride, in 7/03, that began near a wooded area" then went to the page where we can Plug a piece we wanted people to read, and announced it this way:

"What would Darwin make of THIS plant? Did the "Great Evolutionist" mix these ingredients while tipsy?"

REACTION #1:

I loved this poem! The Dandyfosilthiselwig sounds like something Dr. Seuss would have thought up! Someone with a less-quirky sense of humor wouldn't appreciate it, but you DID mention your weird humor in your bio.

Somebody knows how to laugh. ;-D

REACTION #2 ( From a person who made clear in their profile that they were Christian, and rated the poem 2.5 out of 5 Stars ):

Interesting, but not interesting. I felt no emotion, no enjoyment, or otherwise stylish sensation. what was the point? It wasn't funny, if that's what you wanted.

It wasn't intricate. There was no complexity.

I only read to find out more about thedandyfosilthiselwig.

Sorry if this is a disappointment. I wouldn't mind if you clarified your point a little.

MY RESPONSE:

Whoa....

Was it the choice of words in my 2 sentence plug, that chapped yer hide?

Hee, hee. ;-D

If I had not cracked a joke about the act of Creation would your reaction to the poem have been different?

Before you get all offended hear me out because offending you is the farthest thing from my mind.

Your reaction is the 1st I've had to the piece in 2 years, and THAT person was left in tears, and emotional.

It's also the 1st negative, or outright hostile opinion, so I found it interesting, and refreshing.

I've only had 1 public reading (The reaction was positive), and a half dozen other reactions to judge by, however. ;-D

I am NOT the most religious person in the world [Due to the various Christian denominations in my family, though, I tell people, when asked, that I'm 1st Church of Vegetable Soup, California Sinod. ;-D], but religion had nothing to do with creating the message of the piece.

The message was about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, and how something vitally important can be found in the strangest of places.

Like I have said, I wrote the piece on a bus ride.

Inspiration hit, and I just wrote, influenced by who knows what, after an evening at a writing workshop, and 20 minutes standing in the dark at a bus stop near some very large, and beautiful trees.

The title did it's job by making you curious, and that's a feeling in itself. ;-D

RE: Interesting, but not interesting.

Again, a feeling. Ambiguity about what you think about the piece, despite your faith.

RE: I felt no emotion, no enjoyment, or otherwise stylish sensation.

Really? ;-D

And I'm not feeling hungry right now either. ;-D

Don't be so hostile to Darwin. ;-D

RE: What was the point? It wasn't funny, if that's what you wanted. It wasn't intricate. There was no complexity.

The point is clear for all who wish to see it.

Why do you need complexity, and intracacy, in every poem?

As God would say: "Do not consider appearance. You are looking at the outward appearance when it is what is inside that matters most."

Isn't there some Proverb somewhere that suggests that just because you is uuugggglllyyy, don't mean ya have nothing to contribute?;-D

Even I didn't fully grasp what I had written until I'd stopped patting myself on the back for my peculiar sense of humor, and really thought  about it. ;-D

The fact that I,of all people wrote this piece gave me pause.

The fact that you missed the point speaks for the complexity of the piece, and should maybe lead to some inner contemplation on your part.

If you let your Faith, or lack of it, affect your choices for reading, and viewing, and completely take over what you think in reaction to the material, and even the world around you, then you are missing out on so many thought provoking, entertaining, and informative experiences.

I may not belong to a Church, and disagree with my more Evangelical fellow Conservatives on some things, but that don't prevent me from reading, and viewing religious themed material, or even finding a reason to go to Church (Crystal Cathedral) for the 1st time in 20 years, and learning something in the bargain. ;-D

The response to my explanation was revealing...

Amazing, isn't it, how 2 people reading the same poem, or book, or viewing the same film can have such different reactions?

Poetry, especially, can do that.

In honor of National Poetry Month here is a case in point:

I once wrote a poem called The Dandyfosilthiselwig.

I posted it in my file on the writing website mentioned in the last post, introducing it by saying "Written on a 90 min. bus ride, in 7/03, that began near a wooded area" then went to the page where we can Plug a piece we wanted people to read, and announced it this way:

"What would Darwin make of THIS plant? Did the "Great Evolutionist" mix these ingredients while tipsy?"

REACTION #1:

I loved this poem! The Dandyfosilthiselwig sounds like something Dr. Seuss would have thought up! Someone with a less-quirky sense of humor wouldn't appreciate it, but you DID mention your weird humor in your bio.

Somebody knows how to laugh. ;-D

REACTION #2 ( From a person who made clear in their profile that they were Christian, and rated the poem 2.5 out of 5 Stars ):

Interesting, but not interesting. I felt no emotion, no enjoyment, or otherwise stylish sensation. what was the point? It wasn't funny, if that's what you wanted.

It wasn't intricate. There was no complexity.

I only read to find out more about thedandyfosilthiselwig.

Sorry if this is a disappointment. I wouldn't mind if you clarified your point a little.

MY RESPONSE:

Whoa....

Was it the choice of words in my 2 sentence plug, that chapped yer hide?

Hee, hee. ;-D

If I had not cracked a joke about the act of Creation would your reaction to the poem have been different?

Before you get all offended hear me out because offending you is the farthest thing from my mind.

Your reaction is the 1st I've had to the piece in 2 years, and THAT person was left in tears, and emotional.

It's also the 1st negative, or outright hostile opinion, so I found it interesting, and refreshing.

I've only had 1 public reading (The reaction was positive), and a half dozen other reactions to judge by, however. ;-D

I am NOT the most religious person in the world [Due to the various Christian denominations in my family, though, I tell people, when asked, that I'm 1st Church of Vegetable Soup, California Sinod. ;-D], but religion had nothing to do with creating the message of the piece.

The message was about beauty being in the eye of the beholder, and how something vitally important can be found in the strangest of places.

Like I have said, I wrote the piece on a bus ride.

Inspiration hit, and I just wrote, influenced by who knows what, after an evening at a writing workshop, and 20 minutes standing in the dark at a bus stop near some very large, and beautiful trees.

The title did it's job by making you curious, and that's a feeling in itself. ;-D

RE: Interesting, but not interesting.

Again, a feeling. Ambiguity about what you think about the piece, despite your faith.

RE: I felt no emotion, no enjoyment, or otherwise stylish sensation.

Really? ;-D

And I'm not feeling hungry right now either. ;-D

Don't be so hostile to Darwin. ;-D

RE: What was the point? It wasn't funny, if that's what you wanted. It wasn't intricate. There was no complexity.

The point is clear for all who wish to see it.

Why do you need complexity, and intracacy, in every poem?

As God would say: "Do not consider appearance. You are looking at the outward appearance when it is what is inside that matters most."

Isn't there some Proverb somewhere that suggests that just because you is uuugggglllyyy, don't mean ya have nothing to contribute?;-D

Even I didn't fully grasp what I had written until I'd stopped patting myself on the back for my peculiar sense of humor, and really thought  about it. ;-D

The fact that I,of all people wrote this piece gave me pause.

The fact that you missed the point speaks for the complexity of the piece, and should maybe lead to some inner contemplation on your part.

If you let your Faith, or lack of it, affect your choices for reading, and viewing, and completely take over what you think in reaction to the material, and even the world around you, then you are missing out on so many thought provoking, entertaining, and informative experiences.

I may not belong to a Church, and disagree with my more Evangelical fellow Conservatives on some things, but that don't prevent me from reading, and viewing religious themed material, or even finding a reason to go to Church (Crystal Cathedral) for the 1st time in 20 years, and learning something in the bargain. ;-D

The response to my explanation was revealing...

National Poetry Month 3: Genealogy Ditties Revisited

Just because you write a poem it does not mean that you have to leave it that way.

OR a collection of poems for that matter.

In honor of National Poetry Month here is a case in point:

A few years ago I wrote a collection of short Ditties.

I later joined a writing community for a while, and though I eventually left it one thing I know for sure is that feedback was plentiful, informative, and rewarding.

I shared a dozen of the above mentioned ditties (I forgot to include one more.), and then was concerned that I might have broken a rule for non-paying members about posting more than 1 poem, or story, per entry in my Portfolio.

A longtime member responded this way:

It appears as if Geneology is one poem with 12 parts or stanzas, so it should be fine.

Collections of poems or stories are not allowed in one item (for free members)
- but a chained haiku or a multi-part poem on the same theme is okay.  That is
what yours appears like to me, especially with the repeating last line.

It really seems like one poem in many parts.   

But if you feel as if this is truly 12 separate poems, and each stand alone
(and could be reviewed separately) - then, with a free membership, they would
need to be separated.  But I really feel as if they are one piece.

Well, I went back, and looked at it.

Upon looking at them as she saw them I saw what she meant after I played a little with the order of the Ditties.

Here is the new, 12 Stanza poem I call Genealogy! #1:

Hello, My name is McLemire
There is confusion of which I tire
I'm your Uncle and your Cousin
And I've got offspring by the dozen
Genealogy

On April 1st, 1960, Aunt Susie
Married Uncle Fred
She's still alive
But he's long dead
Genealogy

Billy-Bob and Bessie-Sue
Went to one from being two
Her Father, he did bring the gun
By half past noon the deed was done
Genealogy

Eenie, meenie, Miny, mo
From Germany my ancestors did go
Did they to England or, to France?
Figuring it out, I've no chance
Genealogy

My sister Polly went to her grave
At the tender age of five
Her cat, in a tree, she tried to save
And that, Granddaughter, ain't no jive
Genealogy

Colonel Billy freed his slaves
The neighbors thought he was nuts
His old property, however, gave him raves
Of that there are no ifs, ands, or buts
Genealogy

Roses are red
Stalin was too
Granddad was a Commie
Boo hoo hoo!
Genealogy

Roses are white
Sidewalks are too
Gr-Grandma Edna died in a gunfight
Explain that, Mother, please do
Genealogy

My ancestor Micah was a Tory
George Washington was not
End of story
Genealogy

Aunt Bessie lies under the ocean
Aunt Bessie lies under the sea
Aunt Bessie slipped on a bottle of lotion
While sailing with Uncle Lee
Genealogy

Good golly gee
Look who I spy
Hanging on my Family Tree
A Macedonian Guy
Genealogy

Books for Genealogists
Are for researchers great, of course
They have many answers for Rootsologists
So does the Internet, another source
Genealogy

I've now got a new perspective on how to possibly present future collections of Ditties that I did not have before.

Part 4 is here.

Just because you write a poem it does not mean that you have to leave it that way.

OR a collection of poems for that matter.

In honor of National Poetry Month here is a case in point:

A few years ago I wrote a collection of short Ditties.

I later joined a writing community for a while, and though I eventually left it one thing I know for sure is that feedback was plentiful, informative, and rewarding.

I shared a dozen of the above mentioned ditties (I forgot to include one more.), and then was concerned that I might have broken a rule for non-paying members about posting more than 1 poem, or story, per entry in my Portfolio.

A longtime member responded this way:

It appears as if Geneology is one poem with 12 parts or stanzas, so it should be fine.

Collections of poems or stories are not allowed in one item (for free members)
- but a chained haiku or a multi-part poem on the same theme is okay.  That is
what yours appears like to me, especially with the repeating last line.

It really seems like one poem in many parts.   

But if you feel as if this is truly 12 separate poems, and each stand alone
(and could be reviewed separately) - then, with a free membership, they would
need to be separated.  But I really feel as if they are one piece.

Well, I went back, and looked at it.

Upon looking at them as she saw them I saw what she meant after I played a little with the order of the Ditties.

Here is the new, 12 Stanza poem I call Genealogy! #1:

Hello, My name is McLemire
There is confusion of which I tire
I'm your Uncle and your Cousin
And I've got offspring by the dozen
Genealogy

On April 1st, 1960, Aunt Susie
Married Uncle Fred
She's still alive
But he's long dead
Genealogy

Billy-Bob and Bessie-Sue
Went to one from being two
Her Father, he did bring the gun
By half past noon the deed was done
Genealogy

Eenie, meenie, Miny, mo
From Germany my ancestors did go
Did they to England or, to France?
Figuring it out, I've no chance
Genealogy

My sister Polly went to her grave
At the tender age of five
Her cat, in a tree, she tried to save
And that, Granddaughter, ain't no jive
Genealogy

Colonel Billy freed his slaves
The neighbors thought he was nuts
His old property, however, gave him raves
Of that there are no ifs, ands, or buts
Genealogy

Roses are red
Stalin was too
Granddad was a Commie
Boo hoo hoo!
Genealogy

Roses are white
Sidewalks are too
Gr-Grandma Edna died in a gunfight
Explain that, Mother, please do
Genealogy

My ancestor Micah was a Tory
George Washington was not
End of story
Genealogy

Aunt Bessie lies under the ocean
Aunt Bessie lies under the sea
Aunt Bessie slipped on a bottle of lotion
While sailing with Uncle Lee
Genealogy

Good golly gee
Look who I spy
Hanging on my Family Tree
A Macedonian Guy
Genealogy

Books for Genealogists
Are for researchers great, of course
They have many answers for Rootsologists
So does the Internet, another source
Genealogy

I've now got a new perspective on how to possibly present future collections of Ditties that I did not have before.

Part 4 is here.

National Poetry Month 2

I recently wrote a piece called Haikus, Tankas, and Cinquains, oh my!

In it, along with examples, I issued a challenge to Bloggers, and other readers who read the piece.

In honor of National Poetry Month I'm re-issueing the challenge. ;-D

This won't be the only challenge, though.

You see I own a wonderful, and simple, book that bills itself as "An Everyday Guide to Poetic Forms", and has descriptions, and examples, of 29 such forms.

As time goes by, and I try my own hand at these, I will  post another challenge for each one I attempt. ;-D

Part 3 is here.

How I Started Thinking About PLACE and Why I Write About It.

In the early 1990's  I took a few trips to zoo's, and amusement parks in Southern California, and to begin to do more than ride my bike only to and from work.

As part of this occasional activity I took my camera along to record, for posterity, the places I visited, and the things I saw.

It was important for me to have a record of the fact that I DID manage to get out of the house, and away from work, on occasion.

I had spent too many years just coming home from work and, except for excursions to various book and video stores, and Cineplexes, across Los Angeles County, didn't get out much.

Once I got online, at the end of the decade, and began to participate in Online Communities, I actually began to share my experiences with others and this led to including such stories in my blogging, especially my BikeBlog.

I like sharing my travel experiences, and my thoughts on the things I see in world we live in, because it helps my writing skills, and may spur readers to get out and explore their own surroundings.

Speaking about "Place" and writing about it...is the Blogosphere a "Place"?

The Sermons of Reverend G. Willikers, Pastor of the Discombobulated Church in the Wildwood

There is a momentous question being debated, in homes, bars, workplaces, and churches of all stripes:

What Would Jesus Drive? (WWJDrive?)

Your intrepid correspondent, having a curiosity about what others are thinking, last September traipsed down to a Church, in the Los Angeles area, for some answers one evening.

I have the record of that event and as an example of the variety of views on the subject let me share with you part of the Saturday evening sermon given by the Reverend G. Willikers, Pastor of the Discombobulated Church in the Wildwood, Southern California Sinod, LA County Chapter # 13:

[ Transcribed from a live recording ]

Brothers and Sisters there is a discussion loosed upon the land!

People are asking a question, and hungering for an answer!

People are asking, what would Jesus, our Lord and Savior, drive?

They are asking this question because they believe that transportation is a moral issue.

My reply is to say that the answer can be found in the Good Book itself, the edition that our church has been following since it was handed down to our dearly departed founder lo, those 15 years ago.

The answer, Brothers, and Sisters can be found in Levititicus, Chapter 7 verse 66, paragragh 6.

In this chapter it is told to us that when Jesus wandered alone in the Poppy fields for 48 hours, to contemplate his navel, he was confronted by Satan in a fabulous golden SUV.

And it is written that, when Satan offered Jesus the keys, Jesus put forth his hands before him and said in a strong clear voice:

GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN! You cannot tempt the Son of God with such a gas guzzling monstrosity!

BE GONE!!

And, Brothers, and Sisters, as Satan disappeared, Jesus got back on his Specialized Sirrus Sport Road Bicycle and pedaled on his way...

Can I get an Amen, Brothers and Sisters?

"AMEN!"

I say, can I get an AMEN?

"AMEN!!!"

Bless you Brothers and Sisters...

It has recently come to my attention that the good Reverend was transferred to a new Church a little over a month AFTER this sermon.

He now preaches from the pulpit of The Discombobulated Church in the Wildwood, Southern California Sinod, Orange County Chapter #7.

Some consider the good Reverend, and his denomination, as controversial as Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell, and even the  Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, of Trinity United Church Of Christ, the church of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.

As far as I know neither Hillary Rodham Clinton, Bill Clinton, or John McCain, have attended any of the services of the Reverend G. Willikers, or had any contact with his denomination anywhere in the United States.

I promise to keep an eye on him, and his sermons and, if I record another, of sufficent newsworthiness to share, rest assurred I will post it.

Afterall, if the Orange County Register, the Los Angeles Times, the OC Weekly, or the LA Weekly won't do so then someone has to. ;-D

Oh, and one more thing:

Would Jesus prefer a Bicycle over a Car of ANY type?

Who knows? ;-D

The interesting WWJDrive website, linked above, gives visitors something to think about, agree, or disagree.

There is a momentous question being debated, in homes, bars, workplaces, and churches of all stripes:

What Would Jesus Drive? (WWJDrive?)

Your intrepid correspondent, having a curiosity about what others are thinking, last September traipsed down to a Church, in the Los Angeles area, for some answers one evening.

I have the record of that event and as an example of the variety of views on the subject let me share with you part of the Saturday evening sermon given by the Reverend G. Willikers, Pastor of the Discombobulated Church in the Wildwood, Southern California Sinod, LA County Chapter # 13:

[ Transcribed from a live recording ]

Brothers and Sisters there is a discussion loosed upon the land!

People are asking a question, and hungering for an answer!

People are asking, what would Jesus, our Lord and Savior, drive?

They are asking this question because they believe that transportation is a moral issue.

My reply is to say that the answer can be found in the Good Book itself, the edition that our church has been following since it was handed down to our dearly departed founder lo, those 15 years ago.

The answer, Brothers, and Sisters can be found in Levititicus, Chapter 7 verse 66, paragragh 6.

In this chapter it is told to us that when Jesus wandered alone in the Poppy fields for 48 hours, to contemplate his navel, he was confronted by Satan in a fabulous golden SUV.

And it is written that, when Satan offered Jesus the keys, Jesus put forth his hands before him and said in a strong clear voice:

GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN! You cannot tempt the Son of God with such a gas guzzling monstrosity!

BE GONE!!

And, Brothers, and Sisters, as Satan disappeared, Jesus got back on his Specialized Sirrus Sport Road Bicycle and pedaled on his way...

Can I get an Amen, Brothers and Sisters?

"AMEN!"

I say, can I get an AMEN?

"AMEN!!!"

Bless you Brothers and Sisters...

It has recently come to my attention that the good Reverend was transferred to a new Church a little over a month AFTER this sermon.

He now preaches from the pulpit of The Discombobulated Church in the Wildwood, Southern California Sinod, Orange County Chapter #7.

Some consider the good Reverend, and his denomination, as controversial as Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell, and even the  Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, of Trinity United Church Of Christ, the church of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.

As far as I know neither Hillary Rodham Clinton, Bill Clinton, or John McCain, have attended any of the services of the Reverend G. Willikers, or had any contact with his denomination anywhere in the United States.

I promise to keep an eye on him, and his sermons and, if I record another, of sufficent newsworthiness to share, rest assurred I will post it.

Afterall, if the Orange County Register, the Los Angeles Times, the OC Weekly, or the LA Weekly won't do so then someone has to. ;-D

Oh, and one more thing:

Would Jesus prefer a Bicycle over a Car of ANY type?

Who knows? ;-D

The interesting WWJDrive website, linked above, gives visitors something to think about, agree, or disagree.

Some consider the good Reverend, and his denomination, as controversial as Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell, and even the  Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, of Trinity United Church Of Christ, the church of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.

As far as I know neither Hillary Rodham Clinton, Bill Clinton, or John McCain, have attended any of the services of the Reverend G. Willikers, or had any contact with his denomination anywhere in the United States.

I promise to keep an eye on him, and his sermons and, if I record another, of sufficent newsworthiness to share, rest assurred I will post it.

Afterall, if the Orange County Register, the Los Angeles Times, the OC Weekly, or the LA Weekly won't do so then someone has to. ;-D

Oh, and one more thing:

Would Jesus prefer a Bicycle over a Car of ANY type?

Who knows? ;-D

The interesting WWJDrive website, linked above, gives visitors something to think about, agree, or disagree.

TV Guide and the Bible

Someone on a Message Board over at the OC Register website once asked the following question:

How about relating the Bible to what we see in the TV Guide every week?

Then had a field day with examples:

You want desperate housewives? Bible's got'm!
You want the Apprentice? Bible's got'm!
You want Everybody Loves Raymond? - Bible's full of SitComs!
You want porn? - Bible's got it. Except you'll have to accept that this is a loving relationship and not an exploitive one.
You want daytime soaps? Yup, just what the doctor ordered!

You want History Channel?
How about Food Network?
How about Discovery?

American Chopper might be tough, but HEY! It does a pretty good job with the 'deadliest catch'. ;-D

Yes my friends, it's all there in the Holy Bible. Just for the askin! Of course it does take a bit more focus than TV.

Thank You, Mr. Malone, for the inspiration!

Read on...

You want the Military Channel, or Oliver North's War Stories? The Bible is awash in blood, and gore!

You want Court TV? The Bible has The Greatest Trial Ever Adjudicated!

You want C-Span, or better yet, the raucus British Parliament, or the Political talk fests? The Bible has Politics galore!

You want your MTV, Nashville Network or, better yet, Trinity Broadcasting? The Bible has songs galore, but it's mostly of a religious nature.

You want the Travel Channel? In the Bible just about everyone is going somewhere other than where they're at!

You want the Weather Channel? Bring your Umbrella, and a sturdy boat! Not to mention making sure your Earthquake Insurance is up to date!

You want Animal Planet? Lots of nature in the Bible!

You want the WWF, and ESPN? The Bible has running, and wrasslin'!

You want National Geographic? The Bible provides cultures galore!

You want The Sci-fi Network? Non-believers think the Bible is one big fantasy.

You want The Learning Channel? Believers swear by the lessons they say the Bible teaches those who wish to learn.

You want The Biography Channel? The Bible has the scoop on a ton of personalities!

You want Cavuto, or the Wall St. Journal Report? The Bible talks Money, and Taxes!

You want BET? The Bible has the token black folk to placate Brothers Jesse and Al. It even has lots of Slaves for the Reperations Crowd to try to get money for their possible descendents.

You want KMEX and Galavision?

The Bible has lots of folks that were considered Illegal Immigrants by those who didn't believe in the Hebrew God who the interlopers said told them the occupied territory was the Land of Opportunity. ;-D

You want to know if I ran out of ideas?

Um... Yup! ;-D

Someone on a Message Board over at the OC Register website once asked the following question:

How about relating the Bible to what we see in the TV Guide every week?

Then had a field day with examples:

You want desperate housewives? Bible's got'm!
You want the Apprentice? Bible's got'm!
You want Everybody Loves Raymond? - Bible's full of SitComs!
You want porn? - Bible's got it. Except you'll have to accept that this is a loving relationship and not an exploitive one.
You want daytime soaps? Yup, just what the doctor ordered!

You want History Channel?
How about Food Network?
How about Discovery?

American Chopper might be tough, but HEY! It does a pretty good job with the 'deadliest catch'. ;-D

Yes my friends, it's all there in the Holy Bible. Just for the askin! Of course it does take a bit more focus than TV.

Thank You, Mr. Malone, for the inspiration!

Read on...

You want the Military Channel, or Oliver North's War Stories? The Bible is awash in blood, and gore!

You want Court TV? The Bible has The Greatest Trial Ever Adjudicated!

You want C-Span, or better yet, the raucus British Parliament, or the Political talk fests? The Bible has Politics galore!

You want your MTV, Nashville Network or, better yet, Trinity Broadcasting? The Bible has songs galore, but it's mostly of a religious nature.

You want the Travel Channel? In the Bible just about everyone is going somewhere other than where they're at!

You want the Weather Channel? Bring your Umbrella, and a sturdy boat! Not to mention making sure your Earthquake Insurance is up to date!

You want Animal Planet? Lots of nature in the Bible!

You want the WWF, and ESPN? The Bible has running, and wrasslin'!

You want National Geographic? The Bible provides cultures galore!

You want The Sci-fi Network? Non-believers think the Bible is one big fantasy.

You want The Learning Channel? Believers swear by the lessons they say the Bible teaches those who wish to learn.

You want The Biography Channel? The Bible has the scoop on a ton of personalities!

You want Cavuto, or the Wall St. Journal Report? The Bible talks Money, and Taxes!

You want BET? The Bible has the token black folk to placate Brothers Jesse and Al. It even has lots of Slaves for the Reperations Crowd to try to get money for their possible descendents.

You want KMEX and Galavision?

The Bible has lots of folks that were considered Illegal Immigrants by those who didn't believe in the Hebrew God who the interlopers said told them the occupied territory was the Land of Opportunity. ;-D

You want to know if I ran out of ideas?

Um... Yup! ;-D

Odd Thoughts That Wander Through My Brain While Whizzing in a Cup

We've all peed in cups for drug tests, and as part of yearly physicals, I'm sure, and passed with flying colores, too, but one year I got to thinking afterward.

With MY sense of humor you never know where THAT might lead. ;-D

Anyway, are you the type of person who swigs a gallon of water an hour before the big event?

or

Are you the type of person who, when the technician hands you the cup, and says "Ready! Aim! Fire!", you can produce on demand?

Inquiring Minds want to know. ;-D

As for me, with an hour long bus ride I've never had to worry about drinking up before hand, and could just let nature take its course.

And hold on for dear life as I waited in the office for my turn. ;-D

True happiness is
peeing into a small cup,
your aim straight, and true.
As you hum a happy tune,
passing the test is sweet bliss.

True happiness is
peeing into a small cup,
your aim straight, and true.
As you hum a happy tune,
passing the test is sweet bliss.

The Directory Assistance Operator Song

I have been a Directory Assistance Operator for almost 4 years and that experience caused my creative juices to begin percolatin' one day in early 2006. ;-D

One of my all-time favorite Monty Python Skits is The Lumberjack Song.

A few lines popped into my head one day:

I'm a ************ I hear you say,

But I make good money answering your calls all the live long day! ;-D

The original word that popped into my head didn't sit well with me, so I thought about an appropriate alternative.

HOWEVER, I thought, it must be the right word, a word that is INCLUSIVE.

A word that my Co-workers, of all genders, and sexual orientations, can feel free to sing with Gusto!

A Word we ALL get called sometimes a dozen times a day! ;-D

The  MF-Word is gender specific, more often than not, as is one of the B-Words.

The Distaff side of our Community gets called the C-Word, and the other B-Word, among others.

I mean no offense to those of my comrades who are Transgender, but if, over the phone, to the caller, you sound male, or female, then they believe you are, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.

The F-Word IS inclusive, but, like those above, totally inappropriate for a Sing-A-Long. ;-D

So.... What is that word?

Asshole!

It's a physical attribute we ALL share in common. ;-D

I copied, and saved, the original Lumberjack Song, and started considering my "Directory Assistance Operator Song". ;-D

I envisioned a Union Meeting, or social gathering...

A makeshift stage with a handfull of our cubicles, but only one positioned so the audience can see the Soloist at his computer, and wearing his earphones.

During the singing of each Chorus a dozen male, and female, operators pop up from behind their cubicles to warble their lines, and then disappear again.

I know, I know, I'm a Baaaad Boy. ;-D

Anyway...