Food: It's the F-Word the Whole World Gets Most Worked Up About

From vending machines to fast food joints, from the fields to Farmer's Markets, from supermarket shelves to the Breakfast and Dinner Table everyone has the F-word on their lips:

Scene:  A Kitchen in a typical middle-class American home.  The table is occupied by a man, a woman, a baby, and a male and female teen.  Looking in the windows, from outside, are various figures representing farmers, retailers, environmental/animal activists, media and politicians, including Presidential Candidates, and scientists who want to investigate and modify every living thing. Whenever the word "Food" is repeated, these observers begin singing and/or chanting.

Man:	Will you say grace, dear.
Wife:	Good bread, good meat, Dear Lord please bless what we are about to eat.
Man:	Amen!
Teens:	Amen!
Man:	Well, what've you got?
Wife:	Well, there's eggs and bacon; sausage and hash browns; peanut butter and jam;  Bread, oatmeal, coffee, orange juice, milk, and spam. Take your pick, its all good food.
Observers:	Food food food food...
Wife:	...Food that is tasty, nourishing...
Observers:	Food! Lovely food! Lovely food!
Wife:	...it cost me more than last month when I went shopping, even using coupons!
Teen Son:	Can I have $10 to go to Burger King? I don't feel like eating this food.
Man:	Well, there's healthy food, then there's fast food, and we have this food, so eat your food.
Teen Daughter:	I don't want ANY of this food!
Teen Son:	Why can't we have Burger King food?
Wife:	THAT'S food that's got too many calories!
Man:	Our food hasn't got as much calories in it as fast food, right?
Observers:	Food food food food... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife:	Could you pass me the margarine and bread?
Teens:	Urgghh!
Wife:	What do you mean 'Urgghh'? It's good food!
Observers:	Lovely food! Wonderful food!
Family:	Shut up!
Presidential Candidates:	Lovely food! Wonderful food!
Wife:	Shut up! (Candidates stop) Damn retailers, health nuts, scientists, and politicians! You can't have food of any type without someone trying to scare you about the food.
Teens:	We don't want this food!
Man:	Sshh, kids, don't cause a fuss. I'll have more of this food. I love it. We're having this food EVERY morning!
Observers:	Food food food food. Lovely food! Wonderful food!
Wife:	Shut up!! Look the baby has nodded off.
Man:	Well, wake him up, and give him HIS food!
Wife:	(Awakening the baby, and cooing in a loving voice) Here, little one, here's your food food food food food food... (The baby giggles as the teens try to leave the table, but it is too late as the observers enter the kitchen, blocking the door)
Observers:	Food food food food. Lovely food! Wonderful food! Food fo-o-o-o-o-d food fo-o-o-o-o-d food. Lovely food! Lovely food! Lovely food! Lovely food! Lovely food! Food food food food!

So, um, what prompted me to channel my inner Monty Python?

Blame Dave Johnston. ;-D

"As word of food riots and worldwide shortage spread to the Indianapolis area this week, local residents began flocking to nearby grocery stores to stock up on supplies ahead what many believe could be a prolonged period of strife and suffering.

Shoppers at a Noblesville Wal-Mart location were seen hurriedly packing up carts full of rice and other staples, hoping to be prepared as prices skyrocket and food inevitably becomes harder and harder to find."

Head for the hills!

Prices are rising out of control!

The average American is unable to eat!

Wait. What? I agree with the author...

That is totally ridiculous! ;-D

Read the entire essay: Global rice panic hits local residents hard

***UPDATE - 130AM 4/28/08***

A Humble Hello to Instapundit Readers

***END UPDATE***

Comments

[Doug Collins]

This reminds me of the oatmeal shortage a decade or two ago.

Back then, if you didn't somehow get lots of oatmeal and its precious fiber, you were likely to shrivel up and die of various hideous diseases within mere weeks.

[Dave Johnston]

Ha!

Thank you Madman...

[dody jane]

It's global warming, pure and simple.