A Visit to the Mall (Orange County residents will recognize the Mall under assault.) is about that all important, time honored, ritual that occurs the day after Christmas...and for days afterward.;-D
Returning gifts is also a family affair, so don't try and tell me you don't return a single thing, either! ;-D
With sincere apologies, to Clement Moore (A visit from St. Nicholas).
A Visit to the Mall
Twas the day after Christmas, when all through the land
Every creature was scurrying, returns clutched in their hands,
The receipts were collected by each person with care,
In hopes that Guest Services would understand, and be fair;
The children were packed in the back of the van,
Except for little Giorgio who was still in the can,
And the wife in her jogging suit, and I looking all dap,
Jumped into the front seats as we waited for the kid to finish his crap.
When we arrived at the Mall there was such a crowd,
The scene was crazy, bizarre and, not to mention, quite loud.
Away through the parking lot we dashed like a flash,
Dodging, and praying we'd survive each near car crash.
The clouds in the sky were about to burst,
Giving fair warning that nature was about to do its worst,
When, what to our surprise should occur,
But all of the people stopped moving, not making a stir,
With a little jolt, and seeing we must act quick,
I told everyone to make haste to take advantage of this trick.
More rapid than hipsters on roller blades with trails to tame,
I sorted our loot and gave all a store name.
Risana, to Book Soup! Brian, to Brookstone! Violeta, to Gamestop!
Michelle, to Bath & Body! Mom and Mary, to the Gap! I'll take the tyke and head to Sears! Now hop!
To the front of each line, ahead of them all!
Now lets conquer this vast, and complex, Orange County Mall!
As shoppers that before they would take no for an answer,
When they meet with a sales person obstacle, put on the charm and act sure;
So up to the counter we all took a step or two,
With our arms full of books, clothes, electronics, toys, and bottles of shampoo.
And then in a twinkling, as the crowds awoke, and we stood in front all sweet and aloof,
The clerks, all named Frank, began inspecting and pawing our stuff, and asking for proof-
As we presented our paper, and explanations profound,
Down went their defenses, as our stories were deemed sound.
Return the Hillary Clinton book? Sure! That little do-dad with the top that won't stay put?
The un-opened toys, the clothes untarnished, and those oils for your foot?
Even I with my youngest, carried on my back,
Was told, come one, come all, go ahead and please give them back!
We left the mall to the after Xmas deal seekers, feeling quite merry,
Outside, though, it was raining, and the wind was a fury!
The street was a flood heading south, wouldn't you know,
And the water was so deep traffic was a slow go;
The stump of a tree floated down Bristol, torn from its roots, a scene beyond belief,
And its branches they encircled a Volvo, like a funeral wreath;
The route home was a long one to face, and our armpits quite smelly,
But we all smiled and hoped we'd get home to watch the news on the telly.
Imagining being in a tubby, not down in the dump, thinking to myself,
I laughed out loud and said we should have taped this to put on our film shelf;
A wink of the sun appeared in the sky, giving us the feeling we had nothing to dread,
Soon the water receded, and cheering erupted that we wouldn't end up dead;
Arriving home we spoke not a word, but went straight in to the house,
And nobody was even upset when Nikita greeted us with a mouse,
And looking at my family all gathered and close,
I poured us all a glass of milk and proposed a toast;
"To the success of this day, and its hustle,
Lets give a hoot, holler, and whistle,
And hope that next year friends and relatives get it right,
So that we can all have a Merry Christmas Night!"
Copyright 12/2003.
Continue on to my second Christmas Poem. ;-D
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